Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Working out!

MM Working out Pictures, Images and Photos
So my mom and I finally signed up for the YMCA. We went last night for our first work out. We first started on the sitting down cycling things, not sure of the correct term. I was trying to be smart and "warm up", because I knew that if I injured myself on our first day at the gym I would have said auviour to working out dreams. So we went into our class, which was up a high flight of steps. Not so great for both of us that has bad knees. So we get up there and I am excited people! I am smiling and saying hi to women, in hope to create less tension for myself and for them. And I get a few women who reciprocate but others are just wigged out that they are fat and here at all. I am with ya sister! So my mom and I are giggling and trying to look like we know what we are doing. I told her lets stand in the back so that people cannot see my jiggling ass. Like it matter because later during the work out we have to do a Latin spin thing and you have to shake your hips and butt like you are really into this so my booty was on display for all to see. Ok, ok the class was called Zumba. It is a Latin dancing work out class. I should have known better. I just couldn’t stop looking at these women in front of us that could move their hips in odd ways. All I kept thinking that if I were intoxicated this would be soooo much easier. Or at least my hips would be looser. Anyway 55 minutes later we did it! I was sweating buckets and I was so proud of myself. I have dropped two pounds just this week. I am changing my eating habits. I need to lose at least 45 pounds. I am determined. Anyway still have baby on the brain. I had a dream that a girl I work with was pregnant again with twin boys. I was devastated. I am so nice aren’t I? Can’t it just be me for once God?! Okay I need to get productive I have clothes to fold. This is the only annoying thing to being off for the summer, having to do all the house chores. Oh well love sleeping in!

Monday, June 28, 2010

Monarch butterflies

The Butterfly Pictures, Images and Photos
So I know I am going to sound like a total geek, but this totally made me happy. So the hubby and I have been noticing that our milk weed plants are starting to get chomped on. I had researched and Monarchs usually don’t fly down here to Texas until fall. So for a couple of weeks I kept thinking what in the world is eating this toxic plant? But today I saw two monarchs flying and landing on our butterfly bush. I got soooo excited, like I said I know I am a geek. Anyway so I decided to start snooping around and we both saw black little things stuck to the leaves, eggs? Well I don’t know but I kept looking and there he was a baby monarch caterpillar chomping away. I know this sounds stupid but it’s like preparing something for nature and nature truly taking over. I did it!!! Anyway I have some milk weed seeds, and I am going to plant them in hopes they will be around for fall for the coming Monarchs. Anyway little things make me happy what can I say? :)butterfly Pictures, Images and Photos

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Feeling more like myself

Well I have to be honest going to see my dad in California was not one of my brighter ideas. Until today I was feeling negative and down. I felt rejected and abandoned just like I felt as a kid when I was visited them. And I was so pissed at my dad and step-mom for putting me in that position. I also have been feeling pissed at another family member who I thought was my best friend.She has so many repressed feelings that she acts like a OCD jerk all the time to everyone. So here I go again feeling rejectged and abandoned. So I finally decided today screw both of them, they dont run my life I do damn it! So today I slept in, (perks of working in a school), I planted all of my terraniums, cleaned my kitchen,walked my dogs, did my homework, and went to see my in-laws. It was a very productive day. So now tomorrow I get to go eat Chinese food with my mom for lunch, call a friend from work, make my massage apointment, and unfortunatly write a paper. I am so excited about AF showing for once in my life so that I can get onto Clomid. I pray that this works, and if not I am going to make sure I have the money to get my IUI. I am nervous about having a pointy catheder shoved up my vajaja but I am excited to make our baby. I want to have a baby so much now that I can almost feel it actually happening one day. Well anywho tomorrow is another day.

Thursday, June 24, 2010


So I am here taking care of my nieces and I am feeling bad now that I am not going to Disney with them. I dont think they know yet, and I am not saying a word. I will let my sister deal with that melt down. I am so anxious for AF to come so I can get on that dreaded medicine. But I feel like this is going to be it. I do not believe in superstions, but I just feel it deep down. I am going to carry a creation of mine and my hubbys one day. Well anyway I am really not in the mood to talk about anything right now. I am still on vacation in my head. TTYL.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

New lease on life.

Hey guys,
So I am feeling so happy and inspired now. We are back from our two week trip and I finally have the nerve to go ahead and do IUI. We are going to do one more Clomid run with timed intercourse in July and if that doesn't work I am going to get the money together and do Clomid with IUI. We are looking at around $650, so we can totally do that!!! I have finally gotten my hope back again. I know that this is going to happen now. I am feeling so positive again. I am back on my vitamns, eating better, and working out. It is really going to happen. I did have to cancel my Disney trip for Xmas with my family, but the DH and I think that having a bun in the oven is more important than Disney. I think we all agree with that. Till next time....

Monday, June 14, 2010

Vacation and baby on the brain

So we are finally on our vaca. The hubby and I started in Texas and went on into New Mexico. We stayed one night there and then when into Arizona. After seven hours (ugh) we got to the Grand Canyon. AMAZING!!! I cannot believe the United States has this jewel. It is huge I mean huge; so huge your brain cannot wrap itself around the idea of there being something this big in the ground. My husband, Jesus and I were so awe struck. After we left there we went down the bumpy, car sickness filled ride down the gravel road to get back onto the main hwy. So after about an hour we get back onto the hwy and head to Vegas. When we got to the Hoover Dam I freaked. I hate, I mean HATE heights. So I had to pull over for Jesus to drive. He was a bit annoyed; he had been trying to sleep and reluctantly did what I asked. So we drive over the dam, I cannot see down to what it really looks like since it was dark (thank goodness). So now we are onto Vegas. Vegas is like a small NYC in my opinion, but it was nice to say I have been there. We stayed in the Paris hotel; which really made me happy even though we were grumpy, dirty, tired, and hungry. For just a night I felt like I was back in Paris, France; if only for a few hours. So we checked in after being redirected three times, three times; to the check in. We check in, and I am really pissed by this point we are loaded down with luggage and tiredness and we finally get to our room. It is beautiful, but then again anything Parisian is awesome to me. Okay so we are starving, I shower and try to revive myself to try and face the Vegas strip. We go out and try and find food. WTF? Its only 11 and everything is closed....? We find a hot dog place called Pinks, 20 bucks for hot dogs? Yeah that’s right. Whatever, so we go back upstairs and seriously my head hits the pillow and I am out like a light. After Vegas we head to California. We get to Mammoth Lakes, CA and stay at the Juniper Springs Resort. Outside of our condo you can see snow capped mtns. SERIOUSLY!!! Now look we are from TEXAS, you don’t see that down there. And as I come into our condo I walk outside to our patio and then it begins to snow!!! Not much but it did snow. I was in love. That night we went to an Irish pub and I had fish and chips so good! Two nights there.
The next day we went to Yosemite and of course Jesus and I have to argue. DUH! Where would we be on a freaking vaca if we were not getting on each other’s nerves?! So after an hour we liked each other again. Thanks God! We saw so many beautiful things that again I was confused as to how there are these things in our back yard. K so when we left Mammoth Lakes we went to see the gi-normous red wood trees. Now when I say gi-normous I meant it. There were some as wide as a car or two, and as big around as ten trees. CRAZY!!! Okay so now we are done there, I again felt dirty and dusty this was not supposed to be a part of the deal people! So again we are on the road and 7 hours later we are in San Francisco, we get lost for at least an hour and finally come to a severely steep road. We go through a tunnel and we arrive at our hotel. It is so hip and funky, black and white and crystal chandeliers. Who would not be in love? The only thing I am not cool with is there is a vintage elevator that we did get stuck on today. We had to call the emergency people to reset the damn thing. Good thing I am not that claustrophobic. And oh yeah I forgot there is no door on the bathroom wtf? And there is no AC, so we have to leave the window open at night. Why can’t there be a screen on the window? Whatever, damn Californians. Ok so we went and did some sightseeing today and ate at a traditional Chinese restaurant; now let me tell you it was great food. It was exactly what I was looking for. They gave us hot tea when we got there; we ordered wonton soup (hand made), shrimp with mushrooms, and chicken with rice. We both had lemonade but mine had sprite it in. HEAVEN! I will recreate that concoction fo sho! Ok so we were walking in the Golden Gate Park and it finally dawned on me I really want a baby. Like for some reason today I had had enough. There were so many young couples walking around with these ridiculously cute babies and in my mind I could see myself being a crazy lady and grabbing their too cute of a kid and hauling ass down the road. So after kicking myself back into reality I told Jesus look can we do IUI? He said he didn’t care, I of course said look you are my husband I need your thoughts. He said simply I want a kid that’s all there is to it. That was all I needed, so I txt my sister and let her know we would not be able to go with her to Disney this xmas since we were going to start saving. I was so relieved when she said ok I support you in whatever you do. I felt a huge weight off of my shoulders. We are finally going to take the next step. I am scared shitless of course but so ready to take the next step. I of course already feel like it will not work, but I have to try. I feel terrible that I have not done anything in a month. I know it is pointless to keep trying ourselves but when we were I felt like I was in some type of control. Very funny I know. So here goes another journey. Well we won’t be able to do this until December; because I have to save but here’s to it. Alright I think that there is enough to read. Updates are coming tomorrow.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Tori Amos

Hello my peeps!
Well I was thinking I am sick about talking about my infertility soooo.... I decided I was in a Tori Amos mood so I want to talk about her. I dont know if you guys love her but I do. I grew up listening to her. Some of my favs are Baker baker, Cornflake girl, which totally transports me back to highschool,I also love Cloud on my tongue, Muhammad my Friend, Hey Jupiter, Talula, Not the Red Baron, and Doughnut song. These songs are what have made me who I am. I fell in lust and in love with two different men from these songs. I fell in love with one man for ten years to these songs. Oh yeah I love China that song is my relationship summed up. Not that I wanted to talk about preggo people but I do have to say one thing. I was having lunch today with my sister and her friend who is pregnant. I absolutly love her so I am no at all jealous, which is a nice change actually. So anyway she is five in a half months along and we were talking about her baby shower details. I am really excited to help, but I cant help but wish it were me. Anyway I am just trying to steer off of the baby crap for a while. HA HA, so my trip is next week. We are going to California. I think I already talked about that, anywho I am going to clean out the fridge, walk the dogs and if I have enough energy I will do two papers. Love ya guys!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Ok so anyway...

Sooooo how annoying are people that find out how old I am (26, 27 in July) look at my like I have magically become Medusa when I say how I want a baby. Look people, I wish I didnt want a baby, but I do. I wish I didnt have to go through all of this heartache, but I have. When I said well I will be done with school when I am 28, and so when I get a job and if I am not pregnant yet we will do IVF. A good friend of mine, God love her thought I was bonkers. She said I am 38 and just had a baby. I said there is nothing wrong with that, but I want to be a young mom, I dont want to be 40 and pregnant. No offense to anyone. I just want to be able to still be young when my kids are grown up. UGH!!! So annoying.

Art fart

So I am going to school right now for a Bachelors in Social Science, then I will do an alternate certification for Art. I want to teach art. But I just came back from dropping off a trash can (a kid threw up in music) so I stopped by one of the art teacher's rooms. I had noticed she had all kinds of art work displayed at the front of her room. The one that caught my eye was a painting of a girl identical to the one from the National Geographic magazine. The girl in the painting wore fabric of copper over her brown hair, her green eyes were electric. I suddenly began to shrink into myself. What if I am not talented enough to do this? I don't draw, so I would never have paintings like hers to display for my students. I am panicking now, I want to finish my degree but I also feel like what if I am not talented enough for teaching art. I thought I could get away with not being able to draw, especially when I see these projects they do with they kids. Well that's settled I just have to stick with elementary. Anyway I am expecting AF next Wednesday. Sucks sucks sucks!!!