2011

Hello everyone I’m finally writing again. Christmas was fun; we had some friends over for dinner since my mom and sister were out of town this year. I talked to my dad which I have not spoken to him in three months. We have a very weird relationship or a pretend relationship. My parents divorced when I was nine and my dad moved to California. So needless to say I don’t know my dad at all. So we are going to try again to have some type of normal relationship this year. And as for 2011? I am going to lose weight and I mean it this time, no more joke. I know I can be healthy and skinny and maybe even get knocked up by doing it....here’s to hoping!

Not much to say

As I look outside of my kitchen window tonight I see that my neighbor has put white lights on the ground around her trees. I absolutely love this, especially when it’s late at night and it’s so quite outside, it looks like something out of a fairy tale. For once I have looked forward to Christmas. Don’t get me wrong I always celebrate and I am so joyful that Jesus was born this day. But this year is different. I am off for two weeks which I always am, and I love it. It gives me time to do anything I want to do. But this year my sister and mom are all out of town. Where are they? DISNEY Freaking WORLD! That’s ok it’s all going to be ok. Anyway I am in a silent pensive kind of mood right now. I am tired and trying to not think about anything important. Merry Christmas to all!

Am I wrong or just normal?

Am I normal? I ask myself this question all the time. I compare myself to others all the time. “I’m not that good of an artist as her.” “I’m not a good enough writer” “She deserves a baby.” And I don’t deserve all of these things?! I do! Anyway my point of this is I have a friend who is going to have her embryos implanted tomorrow. Now don’t get me wrong I am happy for her. But now that we are down to the wire I am getting a slight tinge of envy. Why wouldn’t I? We have been trying two years and four months with no luck whereas they have been trying only 3 months naturally, one month on Clomid, and now IVF. But then again they are loaded and she is 42. Anyway I am just trying to stay positive and accept myself for who I am. I just get on my nerves.