Wednesday, August 25, 2010
So as I sit here I am craving a cupcake. I have wanted a cupcake for days now. I just want a cupcake!!! Ok enough of that jazz; I have started working again after a nice long summer. I was ready to work again; I know who wants to work? Well I have come to the conclusion that I need structure....yes I really do.
I found myself rather bored on those long days all by myself. And it didn’t help that all I thought about were babies. Is it odd that I so want to decorate the extra room for a baby, yeah a baby that is not even growing in my empty slimy uterus. I even found this amazing rocking chair that it overstuffed and sooooo comfy on the side of the road two weeks ago. Look I know that sounded odd but I like good finds that so happen to be in the trash. Anyway I digress I want to cover it with an absolutely to die for fabric I saw at Hobby Lobby. The fabric was a circus themed toile; I know so cute it’s sickening right? Yeah I have that effect on people. I bore people to death with things I think are cute and fun. Seriously ask my friends and family. Even my dog gets bored with me. Again I digress, now listen I don’t like clowns and circuses concern me with animal abuse and all being a hot topic. Those poor elephants, but the idea of a circus intrigues me and makes me feel magical and whimsy.
So back to the baby room, the room is a bright cheery yellow which I was going to keep but there are some cracks in the walls due to an older home trait. So paint will need to be had here. Also I am a huge renaissance, fairy loving, dragon loving, elf kind of girl. Again I know I am strange cookie, but this is just how I role and as my Jersey shore folks would say “I’m doing me.” Or would Drake say that, I need to consort with my besties on that one. Anyway I would love to be like those ladies out there that start picking up baby clothes here and there or picking up little booties they can’t resist. Trust me it has crossed my mind. But I honestly feel like I would be tempting fate. I do not believe in superstitions’ at all; let me get that across now. I think they are highly interesting but I don’t believe in them. But honestly after two years TTC this month I am not trying to anger any unforeseen “Gods”. I need all the help I can get.
So with that being said I am sitting on my hands and trying to not do anything in that room. So it stays lonely as a boring extra bedroom. With a bed and a bookcase. My mom told me that her and my dad bought my sister and me our baby crib before she was even pregnant. Talk about torture!!!! Holy crap, if I had a crib in our extra room and after these two long years I would be in a mental hospital. I don’t need a reminder of not being able to have our own creation. Thanks but no thanks.
So even though the idea of making or buying anything baby sounds highly ,highly, highly appealing I will leave it alone, and not tempt God or anyone else who wants to get involved with my husband’s sperm or my uterus thank you very much.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
So tonight I had dinner with my sister and her best friend who is pregnant, and along with her came another friend who is pregnant. I thought it wouldn’t bother me but it started to. My sister’s best friend is sooo nice and I love her, but I think she thinks that every conversation we have has to be about babies. And her friend who is pregnant asked me so when are babies happening? I laughed and said well we have been trying for two years and that’s not happening. She laughed and said well we know where you should go, as she laughs and points at her protruding stomach. They did IUI about three times. So whatever!!!! I went to my first counseling session before dinner. I have daddy issues so I need some help in figuring out dependency issues. I am hoping going there will help ease my mind and help me relax; maybe I can convince my uterus to hang on to a fertilized egg. HA HA! Anyway I am watching the real world and it is highly entertaining. Ta ta!
Monday, August 2, 2010
I don’t know what it is but it seems that every day I wake up there are new things to do and I feel differently about things. I just don’t know how I am supposed to stay firm on things when God decides to keep changing my mind. What am I referring to you ask, getting knocked up of course. The DH and I have not been trying for two months. And let me tell ya that is a long time to not try for our little sweat pea. Like I have said before we were going to bite the bullet and go to the doc and do IUI with Clomid. Well crazy lady that I am decided I was enjoying my freedom (and in the back of my naïve mind I thought if we don’t try it would happen, HA HA!). So he we are again, so I am going to call my benefits peeps and ask about the fertility coverage. I am actually on hold right now as I type, I am that anxious and well I am also typing a paper for school on child abuse and it is wearing me down so I needed a break. Well now they are telling me they don’t have any type of coverage….great. The lady I am speaking to is researching and I am on hold. OK so there is full coverage as long as you are on the medical completely. I am so excited! So I just finished my paper and I need to get out of my house. So when I get back I am going to look over the info she gave me. Looks like my 27th will be ok after all