Who am I?

Who am I? This is a question that I have been asking myself since I graduated high school. Maybe even before then. In high school I was all about art and becoming an art teacher. I was naïve and ignorant in life but when I went to college it was so freeing. I felt like an adult and I was ready for anything.
Being 18 and a freshman in college felt like there were endless possibilities spread out before me. I trudged along and went to this college for two years. I struggled with math and I then began to feel jaded. I took a summer off and then decided to do a veterinary technician program. I loved it, it was amazing. I love animals and I loved learning about them. I went to work for a vet who truly crushed my dreams of this world. He was always cutting me down and reprimanding me in front of clients. He made fun of me for my dedication. He even told me I shouldn’t have taken time off for my wedding and honeymoon. I gave it a year and I quit. I attempted to work for a cat hospital and I hated it, one week later and I was jobless.
I was only 22 and I felt so lost. I hated that a job was defining who I was; I was still too young to realize that this was ok and I would eventually find where I needed to be. My husband was working in a jail and he really liked the law enforcement world. I was just lost. I was out of a job for three months. My sister got me an interview for an elementary school. I got the job, I started working in P.E. as an aide to the teachers and I have to be honest I again wasn’t in love. Five years later I was still not convinced of what I wanted to do.
I went back to school; it is all online which really works better for me. It’s also one class a month so it’s quicker. I graduate in December. So at least I will have accomplished my degree. So three years ago we decided to try for our baby. As we know this didn’t work out. But we are finally pregnant with twins and I am 20 weeks. It is a true blessing.
My husband and I were driving back from the beach on Thursday where I stupidly got myself so sunburnt that I can’t sleep now. We live in a small town not far from the country. I love the country and so does my hubby. We talked about our life 5 to 10 years from now. We live in a small two bedroom home now. And we both know that with two kids we won’t be able to have them share a room forever. Also we only have one bathroom. Anyway, we want to move before our kids go to kinder. We don’t like the schools around our area. So we dreamed of what it would be like to own a small farm. I can’t believe that I want that life! But what I find is that I fit there, I finally know where I fit. I am going to be a mom and one day living on a farm. We talked about having a red barn, property, animals, making goat’s cheese, milking our cows. I know maybe this sounds crazy to some but I honestly crave this life and we both hope that in ten years maybe we can have it.
I am going to be 28 at the end of the month and I am so looking forward to becoming a mom. Don’t get me wrong it is all new and a little scary but I think God finally led me to where I need to be. It is just odd how sometimes it takes many years to find out who you want to be. I am just trying to accept my new life and I want to be happy with it.