Blah

So it has hit me, I am on cycle day 13 and I am already feeling the PMS blah feeling. I always get like this. Two weeks before AF I get non-stop headaches, tired, zoned out, depressed. I just hate it! I have done well in that I am keeping up with my class. This is my seventh class. I do one class a month, so I am proud of myself for that. But I was thinking if I were pregnant now would I still be feeling down? I think not, because I would be preggos! I am sure I would have the baby blues but at least I would have finally gotten pregnant. We are going on vaca in two weeks, so AF will be joining us, I'm sure. UGH!!! I hate being a girl. I need some fresh air. BYE!

Army wives

So I just love watching Army Wives on lifetime. Well one of the characters had a miscarriage, it was soo sad! And now on the next episode another one of the characters is pregnant. WTF?!! Anyway that's ok, I still love the show. So my hand is sooooo much better, meds are amazing. We are on the count down for our trip. June 9th cannot come soon enough. I am still dreaming of having a baby, but I have made myself relax. Even worse the DH and I BD'ed last night and I am on day 12 now and having lots I means lots of CM. So here I go being baby loca and wanting to chart or temp or something TTC like. But I must remind myself no stress!!! I must chill and do things fun, not obsess. So here's looking to not thinking well at least not constantly about babies. :) TTYL!

Depressed

How does one stay positive when there have been so many set backs? Went to the doctor for my hand yesterday and looks like an inflamed tendon. Got meds and a wrist brace. The problem is my DH is being such a brat. He doesnt listen to me when I tell him I am in pain. He doesnt even reach out to touch me when I cry. And this whole not being pregnant thing has really made me feel so raw. I am feeling down and alone.

BABIES EVERYWHERE!!!

So my day was going pretty well, or so I thought. It was busy in the clinic I work in. I work as a nurse aide in an elementary school. Working towards finishing my teaching degree to teach art. So anywho, I needed to run a note to the P.E. department. They were on lunch so I knocked on their door and I could hear women talking. I got nervous because I know that one teacher pumps, she had a baby three months ago. But when they opened the door she wasn't pumping but the art teacher was. And sitting in the middle was the librarian who also had a baby three months ago. So all three pump and all three have babies the same age. (Shoot me please). And I had to go to two of their baby showers, one when I thought I was pregnant. (Hey at least it got me through the dang party feeling hopeful). ;) . So I got through that and walked back up front to have lunch. And what do you know the whole freaking conversation is about being pregnant and having kids. "Well when I was pregnant I couldn't stay still." "When I had my second kid I didn't do as much like I did for the first." (Tears :*( ). So anyway my hand still hurts so I am trying to type slower. I just need a break from typing. But my schooling is online so oh well, and I use the computer a lot at work. Well, I am feeling better now since being attacked by mommies and baby talk. I hope everyone else is having a good day. TTYL!

Good Morning

Hello all!
I am having a better day today. I ended up leaving work an hour early yesterday due to a massive migraine that is still threatening me today. And my right hand that I have been ignoring has officially begun to be too painful and I am now wearing a brace. People at work think I have really injured myself, I feel silly that it is probably just from typing too much. So anywho, I am working on my social psychology class today, I have a paper due Monday and I need to be a responsible student. ;) So I am feeling better about the whole baby thing, But we are not near the fertile time so of course I do. This is when I feel my best, before hormones really start kicking me while I am down. I have been looking over the blogs I am following and I totally love seeing what other gals are doing with their baby journeys. I cant wait to blog about my pregnancy! Here's hoping!

Mondays

So I could not sleep at all last night. I usually have such a hard time falling asleep on Sundays anyway. I was reading through the 999 reasons to laugh at infertility and I laughed out loud at the one about people putting their ultrasound pics on facebook. Now I cant lie, I have a lot of family that live out of town who would love to see my pics. Not that I have any to show but I do understand that it hurts to see everyone else happy and when you aren't its hard to get through. Even seeing women I work with on there happy with there 3 month old babies. One is pregnant again and her son is not yet one. Shoot me please. :( Anyway I am back at work trying to forget my little dream. I was reading "A Little Pregnant" last night and this poor woman keeps getting pregnant and miscarrying. I cant even get pregnant. I don't know would I want to get pregnant and know that I can and then loose the baby? Who knows. I hate life sometimes. I just don't get why the egg and the little swimmer are missing each other this many times?!! Oh well TTYL!

A Little Pregnant

Ok so I am reading a book called "A Little pregnant" , it is very good. I suggest it to anyone who has been TTC for a while. I know that my DH and are I are not trying right now, but I still want a baby so bad. I have an ache in my heart as I type this. It creeps up on me without me knowing I am feeling sad. So AF is almost gone and I of course go into the mode of wanting to try again. But I had to snap out of it and realize we are done for now. UGH! Pity party over here! But anywho I was looking over money today and I am getting so excited! We are going out of town next month for a road trip! We are leaving Houston on June 9th and driving to New Mexico staying the night there. Then the next day we are off the VEGAS!!! Staying one night in the Paris hotel, seeing Hoover Dam and The Grand Canyon. To think that a little baby could be growing inside my belly as I look at such amazing things. (Yeah right but its fun to daydream). After our one night we are off to Yosemite, two nights there, then to San Fran!! Four nights there then down to Malibu where my dad and step mom live. Four nights there and home we go! So I just need to chill about the money and remember that last June we went to NYC and we didn't even spend all of our money. I think we will do just fine on a road trip. Well that's that, I
am off to grocery shop.