I'm still alive!

Hi peeps. The babies are now 13 months old omgeeezer! Cra cra! I'm on my iPad so I can't type much. I will get on my lap top soon to do a full update with pics. Take care all! Katherine

I am no longer the same

Funny how just 8 months ago I was a woman carrying twins. Yes I knew and felt pregnant but I wasn't a mom yet. I still was selfish and carefree. I really didn't know what life was supposed to be like as a mom. You can be pregnant your whole life and never truly know what's it like to be a mom until you have a child. I never quite grasped the whole mama concept until we were home with the babies. Of course even then you're are still in such shock you don't know what you just brought home and your are so scared of these little wrinkled creatures that resemble you that you just stare at them until they cry. Just the other day I felt like the old me again, the scared lonely little girl that I used to be keeps trying to peak through, I hate that little girl to be honest with you. She represents pain that I don't want to feel again. That pain is from my parents' divorce and yes I know many people have gone through this as well but for some reason I was blindsided when my parents split up. I was a daddy's girl through and through. So now that I have my own its hard to understand how anyone a mom or dad could walk away from their child. It's still nearly 19 years ago and it can still bring me to my knees to think of being dropped off by my dad and to not see him for more than two years. As a nine year old that is a huge pill to swallow. Having a niece that is 8 really has brought back many memories as well, I see a lot of me in her and its hard sometimes to have to re-hash those ugly memories. My coping skills can be a bit shaking at times, I get hurt easily and I don't take rejection well but as I have grown up it has become somewhat easier. All I know is that my children will never feel the abandonment that I felt, they will never dread coming home to an empty house filled with memories that felt like ghosts moving from room to room. For a week I was down in the dumps and now I am feeling a more light again. That little girl that I don't like must be asleep. I try to comfort her at times but sometimes I just wish she would die....

The twins are almost 8 months old!

So OMG!!! That's what I have to say about the last 7 and a half months with my twins. It has been such a whirl wind. From getting pregnant to having the babies to hormones to depression to now it's been nuts! I feel so much more in control of my emotions now thank goodness, I was a bag of tears for a couple of months after the babies were born. So I am still staying home with the babies as of right now. I am going to take an art teacher certification test soon so that maybe next year or the year after I can find a full time teaching position. But for now I am with the babies and in August I will try my hardest to sub at least 3-4 days a week, unless I find anything else that is long term. The babies are growing like little weeds, they are chunky and just so dang adorable. Samuel is crawling like a little monkey, he is all over the place. So now I have to really my eyes on him. Samantha is getting the hang of crawling, she has taken a few scoots here and there. She used to get her little legs tangled together but not anymore. Samuel can crawl up into my lap and he can pull himself up to his knees to play with toys that are for standing. Baby Samantha is not there yet. But she likes to bang toys and toss them aside when she's done with them. Samuel enjoys Sippy cups whereas Samantha doesn't, she learned to suck out of a straw so that's all she wants to do now. I have pulled out all of the annoying toys that makes loads of noises and they are wearing majority of their clothes in 9 months. I am now starting to weed out things we no longer need, which is so nice due to our already limited space. Ever since the babies were born I have been itching to clean out junk, I am so tired of clutter. So with all my spare time I keep thinking over and over in my mind how I am going to de-clutter this and de-clutter that. But to be honest at 6 or 6:30 when the babies are down all I want to do is eat dinner and crawl into bed. Being a mama is hard work and especially to twins. I have to say I am in love with my two little monsters. They are the light of my world, I wake up every morning joyful that God has given me another day and when I hear those little voices over the baby monitor I whisper a "Thank you God" and I am up, or I beg my husband to get up. One of the two lol. I have so many exciting ideas now that I am a new mama and staying home helps too. I have done so many crafts and art projects in the past 3 months then I have in years. It really pleases my soul to create. Either by creating a project, painting furniture, writing a story for the babies or blogging. It's all art baby! My husband and I can't wait to start sharing things with our babies, we are so excited for their one year birthday that is around the corner, I can't believe that still. And we can't wait to take family trips together. I just never knew such joy was possible when you have a family, they are truly little gifts from God. Well everyone is healthy as a horse thank ya Jesus and we are alive and well. We're loving the socks off each other and staying right with God. Thanks for reading! Katherine and the Clan

Hi guys and Happy Mother's day to all! I am so excited that it is finally a day for me to celebrate. For almost four years I didn't get to have the joy of being a mommy due to my infertility. But this year I was blessed twice with our twins. I thank God every day for them. To the ladies out there struggling, know that you are not alone and God will bless you with your family. I just wanted to post some things I have been using for the twins. And update you on their progress. They are six months old now! What?! I know it's crazy and I still can't believe my eyes as the grow. They are now reaching for their little toes, they can hold onto things very well and are grabbing for things and for each other. I have to keep an eye on them when they do that as to not poke each other's eyes out. They are eating all kinds of different fruits and veggies. And the really cool thing they just started doing is sitting up, they are still a bit wobbly but it's awesome how far they have come from just being newborns. They are also rolling over like crazy which makes for difficult diaper changes. We are back to sleep training and we are only on day three but it is working somewhat. I hate to hear them cry and I want to go and try to soothe them but I have noticed when I do give in and go to them they freak out more. I know that they just need to soothe themselves and mommy makes it worse because I won't pick them up. No more bottles in the middle of the night either which helps with no more diaper changes and no more leaks at 2 am. So we are just chugging along and I am hoping within two weeks they will be sleeping through the night. I must say it's odd to get more sleep then I usually do. My back actually hurts when I get up in the morning from being in bed so long. I do get up when each one first fusses to reassure them unless I hear a cry of pain I let them cry themselves back to sleep. It's more like scream and cry and roll around and then talk to themselves, maybe look at their hands and twirl them around or play with their paci. It's actually pretty cute to hear them cry and yell and then become distracted and begin to coo. Anywho the unfortunate demise of my stay at home mommy job is possibly coming to an end come August and I am struggling with this immensely. I have so many ideas of ways to make money but would it be consistent enough? I just wish my hubby made more money. So as for now I am going to begin studying to become an art teacher. Now ever since I was 17 and I had the privilege to fly to Paris with my art history teacher I have always wanted to be an art teacher. I fell in love with art from then on, but now that I have the twins my priorities are a bit different now obviously. So now I must bite the bullet and remember this is going to benefit us and not hurt us necessarily. I will miss my babies like crazy but at least one day I can take them to Paris and maybe entice a love for art through their eyes as well. Thanks for reading! Katherine

I dont want to work!

So the hubby and I have been discussing the fact that we is broke as a joke right now. Now we arent broke in the sense that we need to live under a bridge or anything, but things are a bit tighter then we like. We are paying our bills but like all new parents there isnt much money anymore for fun things. And to me thats ok, but to the hubby it is not ok. He likes to be able to have extra money as all people do. But we have twins people who has money anymore after twins? I mean really. So now we are pushing me in the direction of going back to work. But honestly in my heart I already have my job and its being a mommy and stay at home wifey. And even though its highly stressful some days and I just want to crawl into one of the twins beds and nap with them or run down the block to get away from the screaming, I love my new job. I am still adjusting to mommyhood but I love it. I look at my babies everyday usually when they are sleeping that is when they are most beautiful and peaceful and well just plain out perfect. And I thank God over and over again in my mind. I still cannot believe after three long years for us that God blessed us with these two angels who happen to drive me bonkers some days. Anyway, I turned in my paperwork today for subbing in the district I used to work for and granted I love love love the peeps I used to work with I just love to be home more. Who wouldnt really? So I just keep praying and having such a heavy heart and hoping God will pull through and help us somewhere in our finances and allow me to stay home and keep living this life I love so much. Anywhosers just blabbing my heart out, I always feel better when I do. Thanks for reading and prayers would be great.
Katherine

four months old!

Can you believe it ?! The babies are four months old and we are all still alive! Woo Hoo! We are making it. We have begun trying to get the babies to sleep through the night, and its been hard. We feed them dinner and give them a bottle then we bathe them. Depending on the time we let them play a bit then around 7:30 to 8:00 pm we put them in their cribs. Usually with a bottle, so I have a baby and my hubby has one. So once they fall asleep we take their bottle out. Then we try to go to bed ourselves. We are so tired by that point we just cant wait to sleep anyway. If the babies wake up one of us goes in to check them and give them their paci. If the paci doesnt work we unfortunatly let them cry. And when I say cry I more so mean scream. UGH it breaks my heart and I have to fight back tears myself. If only they would just get the jist of it and know they arent

getting a bottle anymore. Oh well we have only been doing this for a week or so. So thats that, we are doing well. Baby Samantha's neck is much looser than it was before and Samuel is dealing with some sensitive skin. But other than that thank God we are well. Hope everyone is doing well too and thanks for reading!

Three months old!

I cannot believe that the babies are three months old. I honestlty feel like they were just born. They now smile at me and coo back and forth with me. We look right at each other and carry on baby convos! Im in love. We are now trying carrots with rice and they both seem to really like it. Samuel goes to town with his food whereas Samantha isnt all that impressed. But they are sleeping longer. We put them down at 6-6:30 after their bath. They take a bottle and they fall asleep. When they wake up 2-3 hours later we feed them carrots and rice. They then usually sleep 3-4 hours. Success! Needless to say we are really getting to know each other and I am so happy. My most fav time is when my hubby is home and we all get to hang out in bed together. We laugh and smile at the twins and how different they are from just three months ago. God has blessed us and I have to fight back tears of joy when they smile at me or laugh when I tickle their little tummys. God is good!

Its been a long day people!

Twelve hours of being with the babies has come and gone and now I am on my shift. Its three in the morning and I am waiting on Samuel to finish his bottle. Samantha finished hers and began kicking her legs to keep her self awake. So then I had to wrap her legs with a small blanket,shes already in a sleeper sack. She is so stubborn about relaxing and going to sleep! So anyway tomorrow is shot day, not excited. I am going to start updating on here more, I hope.Until tomorrow or at least tomorrow at a decent hour goodnight.